Dec 1996

31 Dec 1996

The Sucksters Predict
"In 1997, people will eat mo r e..."

30 Dec 1996

The Sucksters Predict
"In 1997, newcomers t o t h e..."

27 Dec 1996

The Sucksters Predict
"In mid-1997, publicist s w i l l..."

26 Dec 1996

The Sucksters Predict
"In 1997, much brainpowe r a n d..."

25 Dec 1996

The Sucksters Predict
"AOL, in a desperate attemp t t o..."

24 Dec 1996

The Sucksters Predict
"In 1997, there will be a fil m..."

23 Dec 1996

The Sucksters Predict
"As the dinosaur known as 'onli n e..."

20 Dec 1996

Toys for Naught
"The holy trinity of televisi o n ,..."

19 Dec 1996

Hit & Run LXV
"What with the headach e s o f..."

18 Dec 1996

Memes to an End
"It takes more than a meme to lead..."

17 Dec 1996

Programming Ad Hawk
"You may have read recently th a t..."

16 Dec 1996

Enlightened Self-Disinterest
"As if the ghost of Malthus wer e..."

13 Dec 1996

That's Motivation
"Creating a stylishly casual w o r k..."

12 Dec 1996

Hit & Run LXIV
"Ever since Texas passed its l a w..."

11 Dec 1996

MIDI Vanilli
"Last time sales were flatlin i n g..."

10 Dec 1996

Angles in the Outfield
"Something's rotten in the st a t e..."

9 Dec 1996

Retrogressive Behavior
"Remember when the web inspi r e d..."

6 Dec 1996

A Piece of the Action
"It's bad enough when techni c a l..."

5 Dec 1996

Hit & Run LXIII
"How many times can the Apocalyp s e..."

4 Dec 1996

Bad Sports
"Before this fall, fa n s o f..."

3 Dec 1996

Book Mobile
"Henry David Thoreau. He sho u l d..."

2 Dec 1996

"When we last saw Oedipa Maas, sh e..."

  Nov 1996

28 Nov 1996

Hit & Run LXII
"With the merciful passage of t h e..."

27 Nov 1996

Fire This Time
"Did you make it to Burning Ma n..."

26 Nov 1996

Digital Evolution
"What if you threw a Digit a l..."

25 Nov 1996

Royale with Cheese
"It would take a cunning lingui s t..."

22 Nov 1996

Promiscuous Consumption
"Sometimes exhibitionists ma k e t h e..."

21 Nov 1996

Hit & Run LXI
"While advertising incanta t i o n s..."

20 Nov 1996

Get A Lifestyles
"Iron John rusted out, and T h e..."

19 Nov 1996

Milking It
"Just when everything seemed t o b e..."

18 Nov 1996

Pretty Good Deal
"At the young age of 24, it' s..."

15 Nov 1996

Anywhere, USA
"The joke's on Hillary: Villa g e s..."

14 Nov 1996

Hit & Run LX
"With his wax-museum 'good loo k s '..."

13 Nov 1996

The Mediatrix
"Lynne Russell puts the 'top ' i n..."

12 Nov 1996

All the World's a Stage
"When Marshall McLuhan descr i b e d..."

11 Nov 1996

Dream Girl
"Thomas Pynchon's Lotion inter v i e w..."

8 Nov 1996

The Third Time As 'Tragedy'
"Good morning - or, as Leonar d o..."

7 Nov 1996

Hit & Run LIX
"Ah, those hazy days of yor e ,..."

6 Nov 1996

Ashes to ASCII
"Given the volatil e l i f e..."

5 Nov 1996

Character Assassination
"As the global directi v e t o..."

4 Nov 1996

Sick and Wired
"Just as the Christmas shopp i n g..."

1 Nov 1996

Cringe Factor
"Everyone blames Andy Warho l f o r..."

  Oct 1996

31 Oct 1996

Hit & Run LVIII
"When TV viewers lost interes t i n..."

30 Oct 1996

New York Minute
"If no news is good news, the n..."

29 Oct 1996

Selfish Gini
"Suddenly evolution isn't wh a t i t..."

28 Oct 1996

Robust Aroma
"Just do it,' 'Put it in your head,'..."

25 Oct 1996

Thinking of You
"Underneath its ageless vei l s o f..."

24 Oct 1996

Hit & Run LVII
"New York's American Museum of t h e..."

23 Oct 1996

Screaming in a Vacuum
"IRC, at its best, is a chance to..."

22 Oct 1996

"There was a period - n o t..."

21 Oct 1996

Rebel Without a Pause
"The quiet that's fallen over t h e..."

18 Oct 1996

Master of Ceremony
"The presidential debate s a r e a..."

17 Oct 1996

Hit & Run LVI
"Snapple may have taken a bath i n..."

16 Oct 1996

Bottoms Up
"The giant sucking sound com i n g..."

15 Oct 1996

How Many Licks?
"Kids don't dream of becom i n g..."

14 Oct 1996

Biting the Hand at Feed
"If you've gotten this far, y o u..."

11 Oct 1996

Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous
"The fashion arc may swing fr o m..."

10 Oct 1996

Hit & Run LV
"Rock 'n' roll was sell i n g..."

9 Oct 1996

Must-c|net TV?
"The other night, as I endured th e..."

8 Oct 1996

Ugly Sticks
"Consider the old insult - or wa s..."

7 Oct 1996

You Won't
"An African-American profess i o n a l..."

4 Oct 1996

Back In The Bottle
"Like most good ideas, Six Degre e s..."

3 Oct 1996

Hit & Run LIV
"The web is a powerful solvent, t o..."

2 Oct 1996

Bizarro World
"Marvel Comics creator-tu r n e d -..."

1 Oct 1996

Adman Agonistes
"They do it for gold, not glory ."

  Sep 1996

30 Sep 1996

Angels and Insects
"As year-round schools and ot h e r..."

27 Sep 1996

Politics is the Art of the Gullible
"As unsurprising as precipi t o u s..."

26 Sep 1996

Hit & Run LIII
"The problem with computers , y o u..."

25 Sep 1996

Steal This Article
"Not so long ago, in another life ,..."

24 Sep 1996

Genius Envy
"In the go-go days of the '80s art..."

23 Sep 1996

The 1:1 Republic
"He's been shut out of t h e..."

20 Sep 1996

Number One With A Hail of Bullets
"Ladies and gentleme n : t h e..."

19 Sep 1996

Hit & Run LII
"The Oscars? Mel Gibson won seve n !..."

18 Sep 1996

"Do you feel overwhelm e d b y..."

17 Sep 1996

Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself
"Perhaps it takes a politic i a n..."

16 Sep 1996

Childhood's End
"Hello , w o r l d ."

13 Sep 1996

Swimming Up the Mainstream
"Money might be the world's mo s t..."

12 Sep 1996

Hit & Run LI
"Here's a newsflash that fill s u s..."

11 Sep 1996

Hollywood Babbles On
"Invented by the barely liter a t e..."

10 Sep 1996

Just Do Yourself
"Masturbation has been tout e d a s..."

9 Sep 1996

Saturday Morning Massacre
"So now the government wa n t s..."

6 Sep 1996

Weenie Roast
"The Greatest Show on Ea r t h..."

5 Sep 1996

Hit & Run L
"But in order to get po l e..."

4 Sep 1996

You Are Here
"In the guide to early '9 0 s..."

3 Sep 1996

"Screw Hallmark, screw Cr a t e &..."

2 Sep 1996

OK Marketing
Things are going to be OK (TM)

  Aug 1996

30 Aug 1996

Smells Like Team Spirit
"Fantasy league football ki c k e d..."

29 Aug 1996

Hit & Run XLIX
"John Williams's departur e f r o m..."

28 Aug 1996

"Suck is a year older today. Ar e..."

27 Aug 1996

White Riot
"Remember the whole conce p t o f..."

26 Aug 1996

Fashions of the Times
"We began to notice a tellta l e..."

23 Aug 1996

A Lovin' Swoonful
"The commercialization of e v e r y..."

22 Aug 1996

Hit & Run XLVIII
"Those of us who keep Fa s t..."

21 Aug 1996

Step Right Up
"Sometimes you're trappe d . Y o u..."

20 Aug 1996

It's The Terminal, Dummy!
"Everyone wants to stan d f o r..."

19 Aug 1996

What I Saw at the Digital Revolution
"The brief history of the net ca n..."

16 Aug 1996

"So Phil Anselmo of Pant e r a..."

15 Aug 1996

Hit & Run XLVII
"Amid all the hoop l a o f..."

14 Aug 1996

"You've got litigation!"
"There's been a strange shif t i n..."

13 Aug 1996

Passive Aggressive
"From the avant-garde to Activ e X ,..."

12 Aug 1996

To Err is Human, to Crash, Divine
"When Animals Attack isn' t t h e..."

9 Aug 1996

Credit Check
"AOL is free. Perfectly free . I n..."

8 Aug 1996

Hit & Run XLVI
"Every office has a coupl e o f..."

7 Aug 1996

Sub-Middle Management Worksick Blues
"I thought I knew how to negotiat e..."

6 Aug 1996

Faster, Pussycat! Click! Click!
"The web's open-admission po l i c y..."

5 Aug 1996

Mid-Hype Crisis
"Forget failing st o c k s ,..."

2 Aug 1996

Free Range Beef
"The cyber-frontier metaphor m a k e s..."

1 Aug 1996

Hit & Run XLV
"Fresh in their new corporasphe r e ,..."

  Jul 1996

31 Jul 1996

Take My Advice - Please!
"In 1987, when still-frisk y s o b..."

30 Jul 1996

Nothing for Nothing
"The best things in life are free ."

29 Jul 1996

Anti Alias
"A manhunt always make s f o r..."

26 Jul 1996

Golden Shower
"The AP may have just declared th e..."

25 Jul 1996

Hit & Run XLIV
"What's in a name? Legal threa t s..."

24 Jul 1996

What the Market Will Bare
"Fortified with Dramamin e a n d a..."

23 Jul 1996

Fear and Coding
"Bumper stickers have becom e t h e..."

22 Jul 1996

Big Money, Little Clue
"Figuring that all we know abo u t..."

19 Jul 1996

Prime Time Gold Mine
"If you were born after 1946, yo u..."

18 Jul 1996

Hit & Run XLIII
"In the mess of mega-me d i a..."

17 Jul 1996

Even Better Than the Real Thing
"Despite the plethora of availa b l e..."

16 Jul 1996

Search and Destroy
"No official record exists to te l l..."

15 Jul 1996

Packet FishRman
"In the wild kingd o m o f..."

12 Jul 1996

Things that Go Boom in Night
"As surely as sweaters in a Sa n..."

11 Jul 1996

Hit & Run XLII
"What's it take to get a littl e..."

10 Jul 1996

Unsafe at Any Speed
"Those who refuse to learn fr o m..."

9 Jul 1996

Unsafe at Any Speed
"Cadillacs used to be foun d o n..."

8 Jul 1996

The Truth Is Way Out There
"In the past twenty years, alie n s..."

4 Jul 1996

Hit & Run XLI
"Tragicomedy: it's not onl y o u r..."

3 Jul 1996

Hobby Hoarse
"What lobbyists are to politi c s ,..."

2 Jul 1996

Money Changes Everything
"It seems that the concep t o f..."

1 Jul 1996

Glutteous Magneticus
"The arrival in many state s o f..."

  Jun 1996

28 Jun 1996

Wiping the Slate Clean
"It's the principle that gove r n s..."

27 Jun 1996

Hit & Run XL
"There are those that c a l l..."

26 Jun 1996

Sex and the Single URL
"Ok, so you've exchanged sm o k y..."

25 Jun 1996

Come On Down
"There's a new twist to the stal e..."

24 Jun 1996

Dining with Cannibals
"Soyle n t G r e e n..."

21 Jun 1996

America's Most Affronted
"America's Most Wan t e d a t..."

20 Jun 1996

Hit & Run XXXIX
"It's 10 A.M. and you're perch e d..."

19 Jun 1996

Drunk on Futurism
"Futurism isn't what it used to be -..."

18 Jun 1996

Just Your @#$*ing Type
"There oughta be a word (if not a..."

17 Jun 1996

What, Are You On Drugs?
"Self-induced catatonia has al w a y s..."

14 Jun 1996

As Baud As They Want Him To Be
"Like most media hounds, th e i r..."

13 Jun 1996

"It's an inescapable fact t h a t..."

12 Jun 1996

The Empower Rangers
"The under-12 demographic fol l o w s..."

11 Jun 1996

Sibling Rhapsody
"Remember Billy Ca r t e r ?..."

10 Jun 1996

Flack Jacket
"If it consumes bandwidth, i t ' s..."

7 Jun 1996

First Online Story
"The Internet, besides b e i n g..."

6 Jun 1996

Hit & Run XXXVII
"It's hard to forge a successf u l..."

5 Jun 1996

A Touch of Gray
"A whole new group of lemmings ha s..."

4 Jun 1996

Find Your Own Road
"I have a dream. A dream of mythic..."

3 Jun 1996

"They ride into town, pit c h a..."

  May 1996

31 May 1996

The Usual Suspects
"To: Dobbs Operation: Tower of Babble Status:..."

30 May 1996

Hit & Run XXXVI
"It's difficult for us to disli k e..."

29 May 1996

Ye of Little Faith
"Trend analyst Faith Popco r n i s..."

28 May 1996

Shlock Soup
"Retirement's always a good wa y t o..."

27 May 1996

Legal Unease
"The reservoir of content cal l e d..."

24 May 1996

"It's high time we took a seriou s..."

23 May 1996

Hit & Run XXXV
"Rats to Katz: On the Web, ther e..."

22 May 1996

One-To-None Marketing
"Time and time again, gro o v y..."

21 May 1996

Pezzling Evidence
"Now I'm not deriding the fi n e..."

20 May 1996

"Francisco and land a job at on e..."

17 May 1996

Cheat Sheet
"What defines genius? Cult u r a l..."

16 May 1996

Hit & Run XXXIV
"Our New Yorker arrived late , s o..."

15 May 1996

Mission Implausible
"In a country where carbona t e d..."

14 May 1996

Tooning Out
"It's been some time since t h e..."

13 May 1996

Deus In Machina
"The only thing that mi g h t..."

10 May 1996

Missed Manners
"At once an admission that the ne w..."

9 May 1996

Hit & Run XXXIII
"Faithful readers of Suck wil l n o..."

8 May 1996

Shrink Rap
"Some days, life can seem crusti e r..."

7 May 1996

What's My Line?
"Coyly multicultural I B M a d s..."

6 May 1996

New Media Exhumed
"In years past, flipping some o n e..."

3 May 1996

Vice Grip
"No one excels in the realm o f..."

2 May 1996

Hit & Run XXXII
"We hope Colors's disavow a l o f..."

1 May 1996

Broke And Broker
"A quick scan of the digit a l..."

  Apr 1996

30 Apr 1996

Fringe Groupies
"The devil made them do i t ."

29 Apr 1996

Leave The Conniving To Us
"The service was introduced l a s t..."

26 Apr 1996

I Want My MTV, Too
"According to the show-biz tr a d e..."

25 Apr 1996

Hit & Run XXXI
"Yahoo dropped the soap. In t h e..."

24 Apr 1996

Talk Was Cheap
"Prior to Patent No. 174,4 6 5 ,..."

23 Apr 1996

Way New Fetishism
"Social activists may r a l l y..."

22 Apr 1996

Radio Radio
"Call it shovelware with rab b i t..."

19 Apr 1996

"Information, in lieu of ide a s -..."

18 Apr 1996

Hit & Run XXX
"Flip channels in the l a t e..."

17 Apr 1996

Burn Baby Burn
"The idea was to have a networ k..."

16 Apr 1996

"Whether you're trying to ca t e r..."

15 Apr 1996

And The Bandwidth Played On
"The optimist looks at the Web an d..."

12 Apr 1996

"Past 2 AM, raining. There was n o..."

11 Apr 1996

Hit & Run XXIX
"Ray Magliozzi 'Car Talk' gu y s ,..."

10 Apr 1996

C Is For Cookie
"The first Thursday of ev e r y..."

9 Apr 1996

Serial Killing Time
Episodics, the gathering: Friends, with handguns

8 Apr 1996

Have It Your Way
"These days, the face of the We b..."

5 Apr 1996

Greased Lightning
"It's not snake oil they ' r e..."

4 Apr 1996

Hit & Run XXVIII
"Old media reporters must rea l l y..."

3 Apr 1996

Couch Potatoes
From value chain to food chain in 3 weeks

2 Apr 1996

Cosmetic Depth
At the-body-shop.com, beauty is only two clicks deep

1 Apr 1996

After The Fall: The Web Leftovers
Time Daily Reports

  Mar 1996

29 Mar 1996

You're Killing Me
"Mr. Samsa was no cockroa c h ,..."

28 Mar 1996

Hit & Run XXVII
Cool as Hell-vetica! More sites that are serif-fic!

27 Mar 1996

Information Underload
"If watching old-school m e d i a..."

26 Mar 1996

Gross Anatomy
"If the first misappropriation of technology is..."

25 Mar 1996

It's A Mall, Mall World
"Like Bruce Springsteen, dB A S E ,..."

22 Mar 1996

"Consider Juvenal's time - w o r n..."

21 Mar 1996

Hit & Run XXVI
"Right To Regulate The Intern e t '..."

20 Mar 1996

Content Is as Content Does
"Every day, we confron t t h e..."

19 Mar 1996

Learning To Fly
"When a fat pheasant rises fr o m..."

18 Mar 1996

Global Village Idiots
What if Fluffy was one of us?

15 Mar 1996

Murky Brown
"If information is power, then t h e..."

14 Mar 1996

Hit & Run XXV
"Whatever happened to the Fire f l y..."

13 Mar 1996

cApital Offense
A treatise on the death of capital-ism

12 Mar 1996

Dearth of a Salesman
The Infomercial King pisses on the Blarney Stone

11 Mar 1996

Demo D'Merrier
No matter what happens, keep prattling on

8 Mar 1996

Coping with 411 directory insistence

7 Mar 1996

Hit & Run XXIV
In cyberspace, no one can hear you cream

6 Mar 1996

You May Already Be A Wiener
In the awards sweepstakes, it's a Smalley world after all

5 Mar 1996

Ad About You
We went to a conference and all we got was this lousy story

4 Mar 1996

Whirl Around the WorldNet
Every local ISP just went belly-up

1 Mar 1996

S Stands for Sell
Swill, and TED's Excellent Adventure

  Feb 1996

29 Feb 1996

Hit & Run XXIII
Ellison's Goad news, live, from megacorp.com

28 Feb 1996

Salvaging Salvo
What happens when George starts stroking that big gun

27 Feb 1996

Six Degrees of Recrimination
Ernie Warren's tragicomic HTML markup

26 Feb 1996

Meet the uberati's New Man, Ted Leonsis

23 Feb 1996

Sit and Spin
The Ween of the Web sings a swan song for Spin

22 Feb 1996

Hit & Run XXII
Sticking it to Angelique, Cheryl, and Jackie, in the Bronx

21 Feb 1996

Sit and Spin
Satiating our taste bauds with Otter Pops

20 Feb 1996

Jean Splicing
Faded memories of the casual uniformity of levis.com

19 Feb 1996

Three-fisted Tales of...Mirth
"In the post-humor wor l d o f..."

16 Feb 1996

Xanadu Redux, Part I
Performance art at the W3C

15 Feb 1996

Hit & Run XXI
"The latest issue of Time on l y..."

14 Feb 1996

OK Marketing
Things are going to be OK (TM)

13 Feb 1996

Fluff Love
Sometimes the line between plush toy and push toy becomes a little blurry

12 Feb 1996

The Devil You Know
Why Blackbird's cock robin act made 1995 like 1984

9 Feb 1996

A Special Media Moment
Playing the race card with Geraldo at Time

8 Feb 1996

Hit & Run XX
"Almost as exciting as signing t h e..."

7 Feb 1996

Dysfunction's Function Got the Unction
A ritual observation of the venal Equinox

6 Feb 1996

Persistence of... Something
When you mix cool and hot media, you don't get a McDLT

5 Feb 1996

Cramping Our Style
An application of the rag to tampax.com

2 Feb 1996

Extra Value Meal
We deserve a FreeRide today, and everyday

1 Feb 1996

Hit & Run XIX
A shocked Beavis asks the Journal to pull Microsoft's finger

  Jan 1996

31 Jan 1996

Miss Sarajevo
Snapple. We wept. We cried. It's over. Go home

30 Jan 1996

Wired For Dummies
As the world Turners in the Spiv cycle

29 Jan 1996

Sublimating Aggression
A marathon descent into the Blood Bowl

26 Jan 1996

YAJSU's Sun-roasted Java
JavaSoft shows its delicate underbelly

25 Jan 1996

Hit & Run XVIII
Drinking to Suck on ladies' night

24 Jan 1996

Agents Provocateurs
Software that acts intelligent for you

23 Jan 1996

Play MiSTie For Me
Comedy Central adds a little mystery to the science theater

22 Jan 1996

Designing Imposters
A blow-by-blow of a site that doesn't suck

19 Jan 1996

Flowers for Butt-head
There's little virtual about Virtual Stupidity

18 Jan 1996

Hit & Run XVII
Four months to live with an impotent Duchamp

17 Jan 1996

The Other Java
Where the local digerati go to meet and greet

16 Jan 1996

TV Guide Writ Cool
Watch it devolve: Glenn Davis attempts to project cool

15 Jan 1996

The Doctor is IN
Ferndale introduces us to the hypocritic oath

12 Jan 1996

Dig We Must
It's realllllly cooooool at the Wiener Roast

11 Jan 1996

Hit & Run XVI
Boredom and indignation at MacWorld Expo

10 Jan 1996

The Bookmark Less Traveled
Bookmark 'em all, let God sort 'em out

9 Jan 1996

Roostermoose Lays An Egg
High self esteem for the net-endowed

8 Jan 1996

The Rule
There is one Rule, and one Rule only

5 Jan 1996

Momentary Lapse of Treason
Traffic jams to the beat of dark hearts

4 Jan 1996

Hit & Run XV
Continuing in our descent to buns, hooters, and Vienna Sausages

3 Jan 1996

Speed Racer Has Left The Building
The loopy, day-glo utopia of Saturday morning fever

2 Jan 1996

All Dressed Up With No Place To Go
At SFNYE, everything old is new again